ALZHEIMER’S Disease has robbed a Barnsley man of his wife and partner of 70 years. In his own heartbreaking words, Gordon Pascall, 86, from Cudworth, speaks openly and candidly about wife June’s punishing illness and the difficult decision he made to put her in a care home.
By Gordon PascallALZHEIMER’S is a devastating disease that affects not only the person but also whoever takes the responsibility in later years of caring for that person.
It strips the sufferer of all the elegance and grace they cherished throughout their lifetime and then somehow manages to punish the carer as you slowly watch the partner you cherished and loved so much disappear, sometimes taking many years.
My wife and I have been partners for 70 years and married for 63 years. Over that period of time you develop a closeness that is impossible to put pen to paper to describe.
We were aware many years ago that June would eventually succumb to this dreadful illness but we always believed and were told a cure would be found sometime in our lifetime.
Over the years June’s family all succumbed to the disease.
We watched and eventually cared for grandmother, mother, brother and sister as they all fell victim to Alzheimer’s.
This we knew in those far off days was the manner in which June would inevitably see her life come to an end. And so after 70 years that time seems to be not far away.
Over the past five years I have seen my wife gradually slip away. That charm and beauty I was so proud to walk beside has long since disappeared. She is no longer able to recognise who I am. She is incapable of keeping clean, talking, dressing or eating and drinking unaided.
The elegance and grace that was so evident years ago has now totally disappeared and we are left with someone who has no idea what life is about. Even the simple hug is no longer possible. Sometimes I believe she can still remember who I am and then just as quickly the reality kicks in as she becomes little more than a newborn.
A year ago I had to make the agonising decision to put June in a care home as I was no longer physically capable of looking after her. It was at this late stage that I finally sought the help of the Alzheimer’s Society at Priory Campus to which I will always be eternally grateful.
But even this presented a problem. We always hear through the media of care homes that are poorly run, of care workers that have little knowledge of how to treat the patients and of poor quality and insufficient food.
We never hear of the good care homes. So it was with great reluctance I finally agreed to put June into Rockley Dene in Worsbrough.
Now one year later I know this was the best decision I could possibly have made.
There is a culture of care that runs through this home that would be impossible to improve. Everyone working in the home is mindful of the needs of the patients. They show genuine care and thoughtfulness to all the residents. This culture goes beyond the people and permeates throughout the bricks and mortar.
But by far the most rewarding and satisfying aspect of this culture of care is the fact it includes the relatives. Without exception every one of the carers find the time to help me through this most difficult period.
Many a time, the pressures of work for the carer seem to become unbearable but the quality of care never suffers. Without this I know I would be unable to stay focused and give my wife the support she deserves.
I know that when the time finally arrives when June gets some peace there will be a team of special carers who will help me through that period.
At present I have a purpose in my life, but the loneliness and isolation of the evenings and throughout each night is beginning to take its toll.
When June does finally go, that purpose goes as well.
Throughout our lifetime we have been offered many words of wisdom but one phrase has always stood out from all the others:
“Feed and love a woman and you will have a friend for life. Take away the feed and she will eventually die. Take away the love and she may never live.”
