Accidental Confusion

As though there isn’t enough confusion in the world at the moment, I seem to be adding to it. Not that I’m doing it on purpose of course. I seem to be suffering from accidental confusion. I seem to be getting lots of things mixed up, and doing, well, really strange things.

I wish that I had a pound for every time someone says. “Oh, it’s just yer age. Don’t worry over it.” But I do worry. Putting my phone in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard with the pans is certainly not acceptable. Is it? What I’m still wondering is this. When does old age start? Is there a certain number when I can say. “Yes, well I’ve reached that number so expect the unexpected from me from now on.”

Should I be preparing others around me? I mean I don’t want them to be shocked. Should I be making an appointment with someone who knows about faulty wiring? Or should I just carry a certificate around with me so as I can just whip it out to show others that they should be prepared for random acts of utter stupidity, and basically not to expect too much from me in the marbles department.

I could even have a special badge made that reads. ‘Please beware that this person is of a certain age. Please don’t be offended or insulted by anything that she may do or say. Please have a look of, yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about on your face, even if you haven’t the faintest idea of what I’m talking about.’ And if that wasn’t bad enough, I can’t always place faces. I constantly call people by the wrong name. and it seems quite obvious that people have stopped correcting me, and just answer to any name that I call them. But, I have found a way around this situation by just greeting people with “morning love”. That way I’m safe.

Sometimes I forget the names of objects. So, I tend to say things like “that thingy” or “the Doofer”. I still ask Pete if he’s taped a programme on telly. And if I should ever want to see a look of total dismay on people’s faces, I can change the subject when talking within seconds from one thing to something completely different. No wonder people have no idea what I’m talking about. And I get so easily distracted. I even referred to the ceiling fan as that ‘whirly thing’ showing the action of it with my finger just hoping that Pete knew just what the dickens I was talking about. Luckily for me Pete lives on the same planet that I do and has the same age illness as me.

I’d love to be-able to say that these are the only symptoms that I have, but no alas there’s more. I wish I had a pound for every time I ask if Pete wants a drink only to give him anything apart from what he asked for. He asks for tea, he gets coffee, he asks for coffee, he gets tea. Life’s just one big surprise living with me. There’s even been the odd occasion when I’ve gone into the kitchen and come back without even putting the kettle on at all. Oh heck! It must be so hard living with me. So, if ever you see me pottering around Cudworth with my slippers on, not knowing what the hell I’m doing. Approach with care.