I can remember when I had to fill in patient information forms, you know the ones, the ones that you have to fill in when changing dentists etc…
No, I am not changing my dentist, I absolutely love my dentist Liam to death, I wouldn’t change him for the world.
I always think if you get a good dentist, doctor and hairdresser you should hold onto them, but back to the form filling.
It’s the form that wants to know all your medical information and what medication you’re taking. Two boxes, quite simple. ‘Yes’ or ‘no’.
Little box at the bottom for additional information. ‘Do you take any medication?’ I was always able to tick box ‘no’.
‘Do you have any long-term illnesses?’ No. It was ‘no’ all the way down and the form would be completed in minutes.
But oh no, not now. Now it takes forever. I mean how long do they give you to fill in these forms, because I don’t think that they realise that as we get older, we need extra time and ink in the pen.
It’s not just filling in a simple yes or no box, now I’m expected to remember what the bloody tablets are called, and the strength.
It takes me ages, and then I realise that I’ve spelt them wrong, so then I have to get my phone out and try to Google the correct spelling.
Also, there’s a chance that I will run out of room in the little additional information box.
I then have to search in my handbag to try and find a piece of paper to continue writing on, only to find that the only thing I can find is an old B&Q receipt, which by the way I had been looking for, for ages and given up on.
Would it be wrong to ask if I could attach a jot of paper to my form, obviously not using the side that told me that I had purchased two tins of jade green matt emulsion.
And of course there are some ailments I haven’t acquired as yet, but I’m sure I eventually will. For goodness’ sake, where the hell did all these ailments come from? It seems that as most of us get older we turn into a load of pill-poppers.
I’m thinking of starting a group up. We could call ourselves ‘The Pill Popper and Tea Dance’. But without the dance and have weekly discussions about what medication is best for what ailment.
We could drink gin (obviously for the ones who don’t drink tea) and eat egg mayo sandwiches on brown wholemeal bread, followed by light exercise which would involve squeezing our bum cheeks together whilst performing the ‘head, shoulders, knees and toes’ routine.
Then there’s a list as long as your arm with the side effects on the leaflets that come with the medication. It’s enough to scare the living daylights out of you.
I would really love to read one that states: ‘Warning! This medication may cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles and increase energy’.
But that’s never gonna happen, is it? So I suppose I shall have to keep taking the pills. And remember, laughter is the best medicine… that is, unless you have diarrhoea, then maybe it’s not such a good idea.
